nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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