meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
