dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
