I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize