my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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