it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize