You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
