Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
