I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
