you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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