i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize