I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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