32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want her autograph on my taint
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They are going to name an STD after you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
