oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
