So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
