I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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