Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
