so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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