i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize