She said her name was "party"
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
