I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my being single is dangerous.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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