It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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