I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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