2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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