There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
