girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize