At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
