i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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