i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
