Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
