But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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