you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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