girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
