According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
