the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
