Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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