Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
