Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
