She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think my moral compass just broke
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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