By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
