All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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