is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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