Me too!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
