Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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