FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
