hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
