maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
