Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
