I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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