We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
