once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
