DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize