i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize