How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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