hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
