He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
