you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
