Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
