spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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