whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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