there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
