If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
