why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
