You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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