Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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