my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
