imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
