I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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