I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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