What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
