i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize